14 July 2014

Let's reflect...

Yes that is me. Yes that is me looking over my favorite place on Disney property. Can you figure out where it is?

I have been flashing this image that I made some time late last year in my face all week long because... well, I guess I should tell you where I've been. All three of you.

The last three months I have been sucked into a really really really dark place that was full of jealousy and hatred and anxiety and just all sorts of bad bad feelings. I was depressed to the point where I would hardly go to work, I was failing all my classes and I literally did not give a shit if I got out of bed at 3PM.

That is never okay with me.

We do NOT stay in bed until 3PM. EVER.

But I was just in a really dark place and I felt like I was drowning, my life was literally flipped inside out and I didn't know what to do and there was broken glass all over my apartment floors and I was just a big heap of sobbing mess.

So about a week and a half ago I bit the bullet and did something I told myself I wouldn't do, because I'm stronger than that. But there's no sense in asking for help if you really really need it. Right? So for the last few days I've been on this really crazy journey on getting back to who I was, on healing myself mentally, on taking control of my OCD and my taking my life back and for the most part it's been pretty smooth. I did have a few days of extreme depression but I'm okay now and I'm hoping it'll stay steady this way.

I'm taking this month off of everything to just relax. To heal. To get better. Because honestly, in the last ten years since I've struggled with OCD I never actually took the time to just STOP and SLOW DOWN and RELAX. So along with that, I've been reflecting a lot on who I am and what I want from life and where to go from here. 

I've had plenty of idea's of what to do with this blog. I created it as a lifestyle blog that would had followed me into living on my own for the first time ever and that didn't really work out. And now I'm moving into a new place fairly soon and I hope hope hope that I do manage to remember to take this blog on that journey with me into making it my own personal cozy nest. 

Because let's be real. Who wouldn't want to come home to nice cozy nest?

I have started another blog about my journey only because it's open and raw and I decided not to hide anything when it comes to it. You'll be exposed to my demons, my struggles and my crazy bat shit mind. So if you're interested in that sort of stuff, let me know in the comments below or email me and I'll link you over! 

Also, if you have any tips to share when it comes to learning how to relax please also do share those. Relaxing has never really been my thing. Probably why I don't sleep at night. I've started Mindful Meditation (which I'm still convinced I'm doing it wrong) and bits of Yoga to help me sleep but I feel like there should be more I should be doing.

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